Who put me in this pedestrian hospital?
Someone ripped out all my Catholic modules
I'm split wide with a head full of sirens
and a panoramic picture to watch
It's filled with every girl I bit when I kissed
looking blue and amethyst and dismissed
and it fills me with nondescript song
to watch what I did wrong
I've got asterisks and footnotes before me
How else could I write this story?
All my songs have caught the sniffles
so this is all I have
Lux
No one's ever met me, I am a great cloud of unknowing
You've only seen ball bearings, you've only seen soft landings
No one's ever met me, I am a great cloud of unknowing
I'm inside some spells, I'm inside the stairs
I've written a book for the kid I am and was
of snowflakes in the summer, of lost pockets of time
of stiff archaic rhymes, of sun too trite to shine
when night filled every eye in oily absolutes
of trying to look up to nothing but the night
when stars swallowed the sky in muted lullaby
and all the ants of Earth turned hard and marble white
and centuries went by 'til everybody died
I am who upsets me, I am a great cloud of annoying
I take reactions badly, I take that badness gladly
All my songs have caught the sniffles because my longs have caught the littles
My cogs forgot their goggles, I'm all gills and oil spills
And when magic spread like garnish looks more and more like garbage
I hate in stacks of dishes, in putrid little wish-lists
I hate in fleets of buses, in piles of weeping wasn'ts
And when passionless and dry, it's 10 o'clock at night
So when I'm drowned and soundless, I hope my body's boundless
But I feel close to dead both in and out of church
both in and out of work, both in and out of bed
My dogs are soaking wet with molten lead
Wipe off the goo
Slide through the slit
Burst into white from the Earth like the church that you're worth
Lux Aurumque
I can't write anything without asterisks. How else could I tell a story? There are always obscurities and details and exceptions that dwell above and beyond the call of duty, no matter what calls I make. No matter where I am, you'll always look like you caught me. The order of operations in my making is comprised of these parts. I remember the color of the coating of a sick throat. I remember screaming from outside, thrown stones landing in rings. I remember being pinned by Oscar and his girls, attempting to cram paraphernalia in my mouth. I remember baptism, walking homeless on a highway, singing something. I remember loving him without knowing the song was about him. I remember impossible lost time stuck in the slimy pit stops of my dreams. I remember those fever dreams in the shower of my house, dreading returning home. I remember capitalizing on moments. I remember being catapulted into the center of a sunflower. I remember waking to be reminded that I'm not, and never will be, special. I remember having to explain the drool in my cup, the stop in my go. I've repressed sports, snow, psychology, the details on the Minzer file, mustard, uncles and cousins, and actual love and sex that no one can speak of without a sinless stoning. It's a bleak winter when you remember that you're the only sinner. It's a dark future when all you want to grip is slicked with blood.
Lux Aurumque
I'm not a rock and I'm not an island
When I'm left alone, I chat with the silence
Sure, I'd function and be my own man
but don't interpret that as perfect, I can't hold my own hand
I can't be happy if I can't make others happy
and I can't make myself happy, only calm and content
My friends are building my scaffolding
They have no idea that they keep me singing
So when she's here, I know I've got her
and when they're here, I know I've got them
When I feel it, I know my heart beats
and when I walk, I know I've got street for days
When I breathe, I know I've got age
and when I read, I've got every page
My friends are building my scaffolding
They have no idea that they keep me singing out